Anger is a perfectly natural emotion. Everyone gets angry at some time or another. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems --- problems at work, in one’s personal relationships, and in overall quality of life. And it can make one feel as though one is at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. However, how we behave when we are angry is something that can be and should be controlled or changed.
There are times when one gets angry and don’t know what to do with oneself after one has snapped at someone in the situation. It is not wrong to feel angry but it is wrong to take out one’s anger on others. One needs to change one’s behaviour while angry instead of suppressing one’s emotion --- like “ I feel angry when you keep taking my pencil. I wish you bring extra ones from home” --- instead of screaming at someone in the class and making one’s point.
1:0 What Is Anger:
Anger is “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.” Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes, when one gets angry, one’s heart rate and blood pressure also go up.
2:0 Expressing Anger:
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviours, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore , is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
3:0
The Three Main Approaches in Expressing Anger:
1. Expressing
2. Suppressing
3. Calming
1. Expressing:
Expressing one’s angry feeling in an assertive – not aggressive – manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means respectful of yourself and others.
2. Suppressing:
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when one holds one’s anger, stops thinking about it, and focuses on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress one’s anger and convert it into more constructive behaviour.
3. Calming:
This means not just controlling one’s outward behaviour, but also controlling one’s internal responses, taking steps to lower one’s heart rate, calm oneself down, and let the feeling subside.
4:0 Anger Management:
The goal of anger management is to reduce both one’s emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. One cannot get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage one, nor can one change them, but one can learn to control one’s reactions.
There are certain simple things which we can do when we feel angry. These simple to use techniques not only will help us now, but also in the near future.
5:0 Techniques to Control Anger:
1) breathe deeply and slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax”, “take it easy”.
2) Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either memory or imagination.
3) Non-strenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax muscles and make one feel much calmer.
4) Simply change the way you think to control your anger. In any frustrating or irritating situation, instead of telling yourself, “oh, its awful, its terrible, everything’s ruined,” tell yourself, “its frustrating, and its understandable that I’m upset about it, but its not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.”
5) Sometimes, in our lives anger is caused due to inescapable problems. In such kind of situation, the best attitude is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how one handles and face the problem.
6) When we feel like hitting someone, instead of hitting, one can keep a special pillow or punching bag, which one can hit whenever one feels angry.
7) Make a list of all the good things you can think about yourself. Everyone has talent, so think about what you do best. The next time you feel down or angry, think about the good things on your list.
8) Learn to talk to yourself in a positive way. Instead of saying “I’m hopeless in Math”, say something like “Math is a pain but at least I can work with my calculator.”
9) If you have a particular interest, develop your skill: whatever it is, find out if there are local courses available or if there is a club or society you can join.
10) Do some voluntary work. If you are interested in a particular cause, whether it’s the environment, or animal rights, find out about joining a group.
11) Getting away from the situation or the person, who is making you angry, can also help. This is not ‘running away’.
12) Think about going to self-defence classes. This will help control your physical force and increase your self-confidence.
6:0 Do I Need Counselling:
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships, you might consider ‘counseling’ to learn how to handle. A psychologist can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behaviour.
When you talk to a therapist, tell him/her that you have problem with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management.
7:0 Training on Assertiveness:
It is true that angry people need to learn to become assertive, rather than aggressive, but most of the books and courses, dealing with assertiveness, are aimed at people who don’t feel enough anger. These people are more passive than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn’t something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful hints to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, one cannot eliminate anger, and sometimes it will be “justifiable” anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You cannot change that, but you can change the way you let such events affect you.
There are times when one gets angry and don’t know what to do with oneself after one has snapped at someone in the situation. It is not wrong to feel angry but it is wrong to take out one’s anger on others. One needs to change one’s behaviour while angry instead of suppressing one’s emotion --- like “ I feel angry when you keep taking my pencil. I wish you bring extra ones from home” --- instead of screaming at someone in the class and making one’s point.
1:0 What Is Anger:
Anger is “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.” Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes, when one gets angry, one’s heart rate and blood pressure also go up.
2:0 Expressing Anger:
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviours, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore , is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
3:0
The Three Main Approaches in Expressing Anger:
1. Expressing
2. Suppressing
3. Calming
1. Expressing:
Expressing one’s angry feeling in an assertive – not aggressive – manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means respectful of yourself and others.
2. Suppressing:
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when one holds one’s anger, stops thinking about it, and focuses on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress one’s anger and convert it into more constructive behaviour.
3. Calming:
This means not just controlling one’s outward behaviour, but also controlling one’s internal responses, taking steps to lower one’s heart rate, calm oneself down, and let the feeling subside.
4:0 Anger Management:
The goal of anger management is to reduce both one’s emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. One cannot get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage one, nor can one change them, but one can learn to control one’s reactions.
There are certain simple things which we can do when we feel angry. These simple to use techniques not only will help us now, but also in the near future.
5:0 Techniques to Control Anger:
1) breathe deeply and slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax”, “take it easy”.
2) Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either memory or imagination.
3) Non-strenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax muscles and make one feel much calmer.
4) Simply change the way you think to control your anger. In any frustrating or irritating situation, instead of telling yourself, “oh, its awful, its terrible, everything’s ruined,” tell yourself, “its frustrating, and its understandable that I’m upset about it, but its not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.”
5) Sometimes, in our lives anger is caused due to inescapable problems. In such kind of situation, the best attitude is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how one handles and face the problem.
6) When we feel like hitting someone, instead of hitting, one can keep a special pillow or punching bag, which one can hit whenever one feels angry.
7) Make a list of all the good things you can think about yourself. Everyone has talent, so think about what you do best. The next time you feel down or angry, think about the good things on your list.
8) Learn to talk to yourself in a positive way. Instead of saying “I’m hopeless in Math”, say something like “Math is a pain but at least I can work with my calculator.”
9) If you have a particular interest, develop your skill: whatever it is, find out if there are local courses available or if there is a club or society you can join.
10) Do some voluntary work. If you are interested in a particular cause, whether it’s the environment, or animal rights, find out about joining a group.
11) Getting away from the situation or the person, who is making you angry, can also help. This is not ‘running away’.
12) Think about going to self-defence classes. This will help control your physical force and increase your self-confidence.
6:0 Do I Need Counselling:
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships, you might consider ‘counseling’ to learn how to handle. A psychologist can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behaviour.
When you talk to a therapist, tell him/her that you have problem with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management.
7:0 Training on Assertiveness:
It is true that angry people need to learn to become assertive, rather than aggressive, but most of the books and courses, dealing with assertiveness, are aimed at people who don’t feel enough anger. These people are more passive than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn’t something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful hints to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, one cannot eliminate anger, and sometimes it will be “justifiable” anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You cannot change that, but you can change the way you let such events affect you.
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